A Summer with Rosalyn
by Velkan The Impaler
Summary: It looks like a promising summer for Calvin, away from school and Susie, until he finds out his parents are going away and Rosalyn will be babysitting him for the weekend. Please R
1. Rosalyn

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes, or anything related to the series.

"_Spaceman Spiff is hidden in the dark chamber of evil aliens. He thought for sure they were going to devour him, but instead, they have decided to let him go. Spaceman Spiff sees the aliens coming with the keys, ready to unlock his cell and set him free, knowing he would not make a tasty meal."_

The school bell rang.

Calvin was the first to spring out of his seat. He jumped up and ran out of the classroom before Ms. Wormwood could even say "Have a nice summer, children."

Calvin burst out of the doors to the school and shoved everyone out of his way when he was running to the bus. He was running to his school bus until he was stopped.

"Hi, Calvin," said a familiar voice behind him. Calvin turned around and saw Susie walking towards him, with that big smile on her face. "Calvin, aren't you happy that it's summer?"

"Yes!" Calvin said. "Now don't bug me, I want to get on the bus so I can go home!"

"Wait!" Susie said as Calvin turned around. "Do you want to get together and play sometime this weekend? I'm sure we'll have lots of fun over each other's houses."

Calvin scoffed. "Heck, no!" he said. "I wouldn't invite you over my house, or go over your house, even if you were the last girl on earth!" Saying this, he walked away, leaving Susie staring at him with eyes filled with anger and sadness at the same time.

He hopped on the school bus and was smiling the entire ride home, knowing a difficult year of school was over and that he would have about three months of relaxation.

When the bus finally came to Calvin's stop, Calvin hopped off and ran into his house. Of course, Hobbes tackled him as usual when he came in through the door. But, Calvin didn't care the slightest bit today.

"Hobbes!" yelled Calvin, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the floor. "It's finally summer! Can you believe it!"

Hobbes was smiling too. "Now I can torment you all day and not just during the late afternoon and night."

"This is going to be awesome!" yelled Calvin, jumping up and down. "No more getting up at 7:00 in the morning, no more homework, no more tests, no more Ms. Wormwood, and best of all, no more-"

"Hi, Rosalyn," Calvin heard his mom say. Calvin's eyes opened wide in terror and turned around. There she was, standing there…Rosalyn. Rosalyn looked back at Calvin with the same nasty look he was giving her.

"What gives!" Calvin yelled, walking over to his mom. "What's Rosalyn doing here? How come she isn't smooching with her boyfriend at a movie theater?"

"Calvin!" his mom yelled. "Your father and I are going to the annual family picnic this year, and you're not coming."

"Why not?" Calvin yelled.

"Because you are a pest to everyone there," his mom said, sternly. "You always ask when we're going home, you refuse to eat anything, and you don't want to talk to any of your relatives."

"I don't even know those people!" Calvin raged. "Besides, I eat stuff. Like…um…brownies? Yeah, I eat lots of brownies there."

Calvin's mom sighed. "You never eat any _real_ food. Besides, you wouldn't like what your father is bringing."

"That's right, Calvin," said Calvin's dad, coming out of the kitchen, carrying a clear plastic container with a home made food in it. "These are Cajun-marinated steaks. They're _very_ spicy, I needed a lot of hot sauce to make them."

"Yes, but did you absolutely _HAVE_ to buy three bottles of hot sauce? You didn't even need one bottle when making those steaks," Calvin's mom said angrily.

"Hey, I don't see you making anything!" Calvin's dad shot back, but then turned to Calvin and started talking to him to avoid an argument. "Anyway, this will be a three day picnic, so I want you to behave for Rosalyn."

"THREE DAYS!" yelled Calvin, full of rage. His summer was already getting ruined.

"Yes, the picnic is one day," Calvin's mom said. "One day to drive up there, one day to spend there, and one day to drive back. Do the math."

Calvin's parents walked outside towards their car, with Calvin having a look of distress on his face. "Be good for Rosalyn!" they yelled, getting into their car. They drove off, and Calvin's face dropped.

As soon as Calvin's parents drove away, Rosalyn looked at Calvin and started poking him hard in the chest.

"Listen, you little punk," she said in a soft, yet aggressive tone. "I don't like starting my summer with you anymore than you like starting yours with me. But, listen up. If you do as I say and don't try anything stupid like you've done in the past, then these three days will go by quickly. Got it?"

"Sure. Of course I've got it," Calvin said in an irritable tone. "Just to let you know, Roz, I'm not going to let you push me around at all. I don't take orders from stupid, slimy, evil girls like you!"

"Why you little!…" Rosalyn yelled, going for him. But, she regained self control and stopped. "Listen here, Calvin," she said. "I'm going to be cooking for you over the next few days, along with doing your laundry and making sure you get a bath. Please, try not to make my job so hard."

Calvin didn't say anything. He didn't think Rosalyn deserved his respect, after all the annoying times she had to baby sit him. An evil smile slowly started to spread across Calvin's face, and he started formulating a plan to make this his best attempt at ruining Rosalyn's night (or in this case, weekend) yet.


	2. Calvin Claims First Blood

Calvin groused for a while, but then went into his room. Hobbes followed. The two sat in Calvin's room, thinking about what to do to prevent Rosalyn from tyrannizing them over the weekend.

"This is stupid!" Calvin said, plopping on his bed face up. "Why did Rosalyn have to come in and ruin our summer?"

"I think she's doing it for the money!" Hobbes said. "It's a bonus for making you miserable!"

Calvin sat up and gave Hobbes a menacing face. "We're taking her down…" he said slowly. He got up out of his bed and went downstairs. He saw Rosalyn in the kitchen, talking to her boyfriend, Charlie, on the phone.

Calvin snuck into Rosalyn's purse and took out all the money she had in it. He then found the bag with all her clothes in it, and just as he was taking them out to hide them, Rosalyn appeared from behind him.

"Ah ha!" she said. "Two minutes. That's a record for you, isn't it? You haven't tried to steal anything from me until at least six minutes passed. Well, I'm ready for you now, you little drip!"

Saying this, Rosalyn grabbed her things and took them upstairs. She put them in the room she would be sleeping in, and then put a lock on the door so Calvin couldn't open it and take her things again.

Calvin grumbled at this, knowing that he couldn't tear any of Rosalyn's clothes to shreds, or take any of her money. Hobbes saw that Calvin clearly wasn't very happy about it.

"Come on," said Hobbes. "Since when has one little thing prevented you from making Rosalyn's job a living nightmare?"

"I know," Calvin said. "I'm not letting it stop me from ruining her time here. It's just that she knows I'm going to be up to something, and she knows what I'm capable of doing. She'll be prepared for pretty much anything."

"Oh, I doubt that," Hobbes said. "I'm sure you can still find something to do that will make Rosalyn hate you even more than she already does. Just think…what do you do that your mom absolutely despises?"

"Well," Calvin started. "She hates how I always track mud into the house after playing outside. But Rosalyn won't mind that."

"Yeah, she will," Hobbes said. "You know why? She's going to be the one who has to pick it up."

Calvin started grinning. He ran outside and started picking up all the dirt he could on his sneakers. He ran back into the house after he collected enough dirt and started jumping up and down on the ground.

"What are you doing?" he heard Rosalyn call. She came out of the kitchen and saw the mess of dirt Calvin made. "Calvin!" she yelled. "Why'd you just make this mess!"

"You'd better clean it up, Roz," Calvin said in a smart-aleck tone. "You wouldn't want mom and dad to know that you didn't do a good job picking up after me, would you?"

Rosalyn groaned. After about ten minutes, she got all the dirt up. Just as Calvin was ready to go out and get more dirt for Rosalyn to clean up, he realized that his shoes went missing after he took them off.

Calvin looked around, but then heard Rosalyn say "Looking for your shoes? I have them, you're not making any more messes with them."

Calvin groaned. He was upset that there were no more ways he would make Rosalyn have to pick up after him. Calvin was retreating back to his room, until he saw something interesting on the footstool in the living room. Sitting there was a rated R movie that Rosalyn brought with her to entertain herself when she was bored.

Forty minutes later, Rosalyn was fixing herself some dinner. She just got some frozen spaghetti and made a plate of fries to go with it. Calvin walked into the kitchen as she was sitting down, and instantly got angry.

"Hey!" he yelled. "You're making yourself dinner but you didn't make any for _me_? What kind of babysitter are you?"

"You never asked for anything!" Rosalyn said. "I'll make you some dinner after I finish with mine."

Saying this, Rosalyn picked up her fork and was ready to start eating, until the phone rang. Rosalyn groaned, but then went to pick it up. Her exasperation went away when she realized who it was on the phone.

"Hello?" she said, picking up the phone. "Oh, hi Charlie, how are you?…I'm good, just babysitting the twerp again…yeah, he tried tracking dirt in the house for me to clean up. I hid his shoes so he wouldn't do it again…yeah, it is pretty smart, isn't it?"

Rosalyn got wrapped up in her conversation, and Calvin took full advantage of it. When Rosalyn had her back turned, Calvin ran up to the table and grabbed the salt shaker. He started unscrewing the lid, until it was completely off. He then placed it back on, but didn't screw it back on. He instantly ran back to the entrance to the kitchen, the spot he was before Rosalyn went to pick up the phone.

"So yeah, that sounds good…" continued Rosalyn. "All right, we can go to a movie after I finish babysitting this little nightmare…I love you, too. Bye, Charlie."

Rosalyn hung up the phone, and then went back to the table to resume her dinner. She picked up the salt shaker to put some salt on her fries, but due to Calvin's tampering, the lid came off and the entire container of salt fell in one massive pile on Rosalyn's fries.

Calvin started cracking up, leaving Rosalyn furious. "I'll get you, you little drip!" she yelled. "Fine! You're not getting any dinner! None! Not until you apologize!"

"Me? Apologize to you?" Calvin said, laughing. "As if!" Saying this, he ran off, with Rosalyn ready to kick him.

Calvin went into his room and started laughing. Hobbes came up to him and asked what happened.

"Oh, you just missed Rosalyn's hilarious reaction when I unscrewed the salt shaker and salt poured all over her fries."

Hobbes started laughing at the thought. "Man, did she hit you?"

"Of course not," Calvin said. "She didn't have the guts. She would have had to suffer serious consequences if she physically hurt me. My parents would take her to court and sue her for a million bajillion dollars!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and said "Anyway, how did your other plan work?"

"My other plan?" Calvin asked, confused.

"_WHAT! BLUE'S CLUES!"_ Rosalyn raged downstairs.

"Oh, _that_ other plan," Calvin said, snickering. "Yes, that one worked as well."

Calvin had managed to take the movie Rosalyn rented for the weekend to watch when Calvin was asleep. When Rosalyn wasn't looking, he put it in the VCR and taped _Blue's Clues over_ it. Now, not only would Rosalyn have a tape with a show she absolutely despised, but she also had to pay for the tape itself, now that no one else could rent it.

Rosalyn ran upstairs and started screaming at Calvin. "Don't EVER lay your greasy hands on any of my things again! Your parents are going to be the ones paying for that tape, not me!"

Rosalyn left the room and slammed the door behind her.

"_Your parents are going to be the ones paying for the tape, not me,"_ Calvin said in a mocking tone. He then started rolling on the floor with laughter. Hobbes started laughing at Calvin's goofy impression of Rosalyn as well.

"Hey, do you know what the best part is?" Hobbes asked. "There's still two more days. We still get to torture Rosalyn for two more days!"

"Hey, you're right!" Calvin said. "Come on, let's brainstorm on more ways to bug her for tomorrow!"


	3. All Unaccording to Plan

Calvin spent the entire night planning what he could do to continue torturing Rosalyn. This day _had_ to be better than yesterday. Calvin had to make sure Rosalyn felt much worse after today than she did at the end of yesterday.

After Calvin and Hobbes came up with a list of ideas, they had to figure out how those plans would executed. Finally, after a lot of thought, the two came up with an idea.

Hobbes was told to struggle to stay up until 1:00 in the morning, to be sure Rosalyn was asleep when they started putting their plans into action. Hobbes woke Calvin at 1:00 in the morning as they agreed, and Calvin got up to set all the traps.

Calvin walked downstairs to the quiet, eerie, dark house. He quietly went down to the basement and turned on the light. He started looking around everywhere, past the red paint Calvin's dad was going to use to paint the treehouse. Calvin finally found it: the scotch tape!

Calvin dashed upstairs out of the basement and went over to the kitchen sink. He took the scotch tape and wrapped the tape all over the spray nozzle. Now, when Rosalyn turned the sink on, a blast of cold water would spray her right in the face.

After doing that, Calvin ran back into the basement and grabbed a metal bucket and ran to a sink in the bathroom and started filling it up. He carefully set it down on the ground, then grabbed a small ladder. He brought the bucket of water and the ladder over towards Rosalyn's bedroom, slightly opened the door, and set the ladder up. He took the bucket of water and placed it right above the door, so when Rosalyn opened it later in the morning, it would topple on her. It was foolproof.

Calvin went back to bed, snickering, and after a long while, he finally got to sleep. He woke up only a few hours later, and Rosalyn was still in bed. He stood in front of her door when he got up and patiently waited, not wanting to miss the bucket of water topple on Rosalyn when she walked out the door.

After about 10 minutes, Calvin heard the phone ring. He ran downstairs to answer it, and it was his mom.

"Calvin!" screamed his mom. "Glad to hear you're awake."

"Sure am, mom," Calvin said brightly.

"You seem in a good mood," Calvin's mom said coldly. "Could it be because of those bad things you did to Rosalyn last night?"

"What? You knew!" Calvin said. "How?"

"The telephone, Calvin," his mom said in an annoyed tone. "She called me up after you went to bed and told me everything you did."

"Come on, mom," Calvin said, defending himself. "It was just a joke."

"I want you to go to Rosalyn now, and apologize to her for everything you did last night, understand?"

Calvin sighed. "Understood."

Calvin hung up the phone, and marched over to Rosalyn's room. "Rosalyn!" he called. "Look, sorry for yesterday."

There was a long pause. "Rosalyn? Did you hear me? I said I'm sorry!…Rosalyn?"

After no answer, Calvin stopped screaming and was going to loudly tell her after walking into her room, whether or not it would wake her up.

As Calvin opened the door, the bucket of water fell right off the door and landed on Calvin's head, spilling all over him. Calvin let out a bloodcurdling scream, loud enough to wake Rosalyn up.

Rosalyn warily woke up, then saw Calvin with the bucket of water stuck on his head. She couldn't help but start laughing. "Well, well, well, out little plan backfired, did it?" Rosalyn said with a nasty grin on her face. "Maybe that'll show you not to be such a rude little kid!"

Calvin forced the bucket off his head, with a very bad looking bucket line right above his chin, with the area above it slightly red. Annoyed, Calvin returned to his room, where he was greeted by a barrage of laughter from Hobbes.

"What happened to your face?" he said laughing when he saw the marks the bucket left of Calvin when it fell on him.

"That stupid bucket of water fell on me when mom called to tell me to apologize to Rosalyn for yesterday," Calvin said in an angry tone. "That wouldn't have happened if mom didn't call!"

"Well, why don't you disconnect all the phones in the house so she can't call again to mess anything up?" Hobbes suggested.

Calvin started smiling. "Great idea, Hobbes!" he said. After saying this, Calvin burst out of his bedroom and started taking the cords out of all the phones. When Calvin was sure they were all unplugged, he ran into the kitchen to grab himself some breakfast.

Rosalyn had made herself some waffles for breakfast, but Calvin just made cereal for himself. As soon as he finished eating it, he got up to leave the table. He was going to go back to his room and plot more things to do to Rosalyn.

"Hold it!" Rosalyn yelled. "Clean your plate up."

"What are you talking about?" Calvin asked.

"Your plate! Take it and rinse it in the sink to clean it off!"

Calvin, forgetting entirely about the trap he left at the sink, went over to it and turned the water on. Instantly, the cold water that was supposed to have sprayed Rosalyn instead sprayed Calvin. Rosalyn turned around to see what the problem was, and then started cracking up.

"Two plans in a row backfired?" Rosalyn said, cracking up. "How does that make you feel, Calvin?"

Enraged, Calvin retreated back to his room after turning the water off. Hobbes instantly asked why Calvin was soaked when he walked in.

"Our stupid plan with the sink went wrong!" Calvin said, jumping into the closet, looking for dry clothes to change into. "I would have been fine if only _one_ of our plans went wrong, but _two_ is a complete embarrassment."

"Well, at least Rosalyn won't be able to embarrass you by telling your parents about it over the phone," Hobbes said, trying to reassure Calvin that things weren't as bad as they could have been.

"You're right," Calvin said. "Anyway, we need to think of something to do that will get Rosalyn back for these two humiliations!"

The two went to work and spent all day in Calvin's room, trying to think of something. Unfortunately, they both came up with nothing…for a while.

"Say Calvin, I know something we could do that will give Rosalyn the most miserable day of her life!" exclaimed Hobbes.

"Really?" Calvin asked, excited. "What?"

"Why don't we just…"

He was interrupted by Rosalyn opening the door. "Calvin!" she said. "I'm making soup for dinner, what kind do you want?"

"Chicken noodle," Calvin said, not turning to her.

Without saying anything, Rosalyn closed the door.

"Now, what were you saying?" Calvin asked Hobbes.

"Well, why don't you invite Susie over and she help you make plans to destroy Rosalyn? She seems smart enough to know a few schemes."

"NO!" Calvin yelled. "I wouldn't let Susie help if my…_your_…life depended on it! Besides, she wouldn't help me make plans to hurt somebody!"

Hobbes just slumped on the bed, but gave Calvin an "Are you sure?" look. Then, moments later, Calvin came up with an idea.

"Say Hobbes, remember how my mom said that dad bought a few gallons of hot sauce for their food and he didn't use much at all?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, why don't you sneak downstairs, and when Rosalyn is making dinner, dump a lot of that hot sauce in her soup and watch the magic!"

"All right, good thinking," Hobbes said, slowly walking out of the bedroom and downstairs into the kitchen.

About thirty minutes later, the soup was ready and Calvin went downstairs to eat. He went to the table and saw Rosalyn's soup had a very obvious shade of red in it, while his looked perfect.

Calvin watched intently as Rosalyn took the first spoonful of her soup, but nothing happened at all. Calvin watched confused as Rosalyn continued to have her soup without showing any sign of pain or hot feelings.

Calvin just shrugged and had some of his soup. Instantly, he felt as if a volcano was erupting in his throat. He ran to the sink for some water, and started spraying some into his mouth.

"What are you doing?" Rosalyn asked as she stared at Calvin.

"I'm…full," Calvin said, walking away from the table. He ran up into his room and saw Hobbes standing in a corner.

"Hobbes!" Calvin raged. "You put the hot sauce in the wrong soup, you idiot!"

Hobbes started cracking up. "I know," he said.

"You what!" Calvin yelled. "You _intentionally_ put the hot sauce in my soup just because you thought it would be _funny?_"

"Of course," Hobbes said.

Calvin groaned. He was ready to attack Hobbes until Rosalyn walked into the room with her cell phone.

"Calvin, it's your parents," she said, showing the cell phone to him.

Calvin took the cell phone and answered "Hello?"

"Calvin?" his mom asked. "I tried calling, but I didn't get an answer. The operator said that the number was disconnected."

"Really?" Calvin said, trying not to reveal that he was the one who unplugged the phone. "Well…imagine that."

"Anyway, Rosalyn said you were good today," his mom said.

"She did?" Calvin said in a low tone.

"Yes. Your father and I wanted to say we were proud of you for being nice to Rosalyn today."

Calvin growled.

After a few more words, Calvin hung up and handed the cell phone back to Rosalyn.

"Such a shame you didn't know I had a cell phone, huh?" Rosalyn said to Calvin, walking out of the room.

"She's going to pay for today!" Calvin said. "Everything went wrong today!"

"You still could call Susie for her advice," Hobbes said.

"NO!" Calvin yelled. "No way, no how!"

Hobbes started to stare at Calvin with eyes, as if he was saying, "You know you want to". Calvin continued to refuse, until after awhile he finally said, "FINE! I'LL CALL SUSIE AND ASK FOR HER HELP!"

Hobbes started smiling. "See? I knew you'd give in."


	4. Susie Comes to Help

Calvin walked over to phone and started dialing Susie's number. (he had just finished putting all the phone lines back into the phones) The entire time, he was looking at Hobbes with a nasty glare, very angry with him for convincing him to call Susie.

"Hello?" said Susie, finally picking up.

"Susie? It's Calvin…" he stuttered.

"Calvin? What do you want?"

"Well, I was…uh…um…well, you know…look, do you want to come over my house?" Calvin said in an unpleasant way.

"But I thought you said yesterday that you wouldn't invite me over if I was the last girl on earth," Susie said in a confused way.

"_I_ wouldn't!" Calvin said, defending himself. "It was all Hobbes' idea. _He _was the one who thought I should invite you over."

"Don't be bashful, Calvin," said Susie. "If you wanted to invite me over, you just had to say so."

"I'm not being bashful!" Calvin said. "I told you! It was Hobbes' bright idea!"

"Uh, sure it was. Anyway, thank you for inviting me. I'll be over at 8:00 tomorrow morning. Bye, Calvin!"

Susie hung up the phone, while Calvin slammed it down on the hook. He looked and Hobbes and said "I can't believe I let you talk me into that! Now tomorrow is going to be ten times worse than it would be if it was just Rosalyn!"

"I'm sure Susie's smarter than you when it comes to that kind of stuff."

"What's that supposed to mean!" Calvin yelled. "Anyway, I told you before, Susie won't help if she knew it were to actually hurt someone."

"Come up with some story," Hobbes suggested. "Why don't you spend a little while trying to think of a few ways to get Susie on your side and to help you beat Rosalyn?" Saying this, Hobbes got under the covers on the bed.

"Hey! You're not going to sleep, are you?" Calvin yelled. For a response, all he got was a loud snore. "Fine! I'll work on this myself!"

Calvin spent only a few minutes thinking about how he could trick Susie into creating an ultimate doomsday device to use against Rosalyn. Calvin went downstairs, where Rosalyn was watching television.

"Say Roz?" Calvin asked. "I'm going to be inviting one of my friends over tomorrow to hang out."

"Great," Rosalyn said. "Maybe you'll finally give me some peace and quiet then."

Calvin darted back up to his room and went to bed, knowing that tomorrow would be a long day, and he hoped Hobbes' plan would pull through.

Calvin awoke about nine hours later, approximately half an hour before Susie would arrive. He quickly got dressed, then thought the story that he was going to tell Susie through. He wanted to make sure it was completely flawless and something she would go for. He finally had an idea.

When Susie arrived, she rang the doorbell and Rosalyn went to answer it.

"You must be Calvin's friend," Rosalyn said with a pleasant smile on her face. "I'm Rosalyn, Calvin's babysitter."

"My name is Susie. Calvin invited me over today to play."

Rosalyn turned around and yelled up the stairs, "Calvin! Your girlfriend is here!"

"She's not my girlfriend! It wasn't even my idea to bring her over! Hobbes told me to so she can help with…stuff!" Calvin yelled down.

"He tells you that Hobbes is living, too?" Susie asked.

"Yes, yes he does," Rosalyn responded. "He's a weird little kid. Anyway, go upstairs with him. Maybe that'll keep him quiet for a change."

Susie went upstairs, with Calvin staring at her with unhappy eyes.

"Hi, Calvin!" Susie said cheerfully. "How has your summer been so far?"

"My summer?" Calvin said. "Oh, my summer's been fine, except for the fact that I have the babysitter from the Black Lagoon watching over me until tomorrow afternoon."

"Do you mean Rosalyn?" Susie asked. "You think Rosalyn's mean? She seems so nice."

"It doesn't matter!" Calvin yelled, loud enough to make Susie jump. "Anyway, come into my room so we can do what I invited you over to do!"

Susie obeyed, nervously walking into Calvin's room. "So…why exactly _did_ you invite me over?"

"Well, Hobbes and I are making a…movie," Calvin started. "And it's going to be one where a guy hurts himself by falling into a number of traps set by someone else. Hobbes and I just want your help to choreograph the traps."

"So…you want me to help think of the traps the man will get in?" Susie asked, confused.

"No, Hobbes and I have all the traps set. We just want you to tell us what order they should go in, and help it be the most realistic it possibly can be."

"All right," Susie said, still not sure of what Calvin was asking for.

Calvin wrote a list of things that he and Hobbes planned to do in their "movie", which was all along really a list of all the traps Calvin and Hobbes would release on Rosalyn. Susie, of course, thought it was all for a movie.

"Hmmmm…" Susie said when looking at the list of all the things Calvin would need. "You say you're going to need some tape, hot sauce, glue, balloons, a lot of water, bugs, (Susie made a very interesting face when reading this one), a bucket, and…Rosalyn's cell phone?"

"It's a prop!" Calvin insisted. "Can you just help us figure out how to organize all of these things in a manner so that Rosa…uh, I mean, the guy will fall for them all?"

"Sure," Susie said. "But, it may take a little while to do that. Good things come with planning."

"All right, you go plan that out," Calvin said, walking out of the room.

"Wait, Calvin, where are you going?" Susie asked.

"I'm going into the basement to look for any other things that we can use in our…movie."

"Oh. All right."

Calvin ran downstairs and into the basement and started looking around. There were a lot of things that could be used for torture devices, but nothing Calvin could use properly or actually could use without relying on all of his physical strength to just carry it.

"Fishing poles? Too long," Calvin said. "Hedge clippers? It'll take too much effort. Hello…what's this?"

Calvin stumbled across the cans of red paint he had found in his basement yesterday. He started snickering. "Good thing Dad didn't paint my treehouse," he said in an evil way.

Hours passed, and finally Susie had come up with a great plan. However, she was still going to be over for another few hours. Calvin just told her to go hang out with Rosalyn so both of them would be out of his hair.

When Susie finally went home, Calvin breathed a deep sigh of relief and started looking over the plans Susie charted out.

"See, I told you that you wouldn't regret Susie coming over. But, did you believe me? Nooooooooooooooooo!" said a voice from behind.

"Shut it, Hobbes!" Calvin yelled. "I'm looking over Susie's plans, and they look pretty good. I think she's onto something here."

"I know, I stole a glance or two after she left. I think they can work," Hobbes responded.

Calvin started immediately looking around for something on the paper, but to his annoyance, it wasn't there. He started grumbling things to himself when he realized that Susie didn't put one thing on the plans.

"What are you so ticked about now?" Hobbes asked.

"Stupid Susie!" Calvin said. "She didn't give this trap a name! All great traps need to have names!"

"Well, come up with a name yourself," Hobbes said, lying down on the bed.

"I've got it!" Calvin said. "We'll call it OPERATON: G.R.O.S.S. …**G**et **R**id **O**f **S**tupid Ro**S**alyn."

"You can't name an operation G.R.O.S.S.!" Hobbes insisted. "We have a club named that, remember?"

Calvin thought about it. "You're right, we do, don't we. Fine! This plan will be better than any club we've ever made, so I shall call it OPERATION: G.R.O.S.S.E.R. …**G**et** R**id **O**f **S**tupid **S**limy **E**vil **R**osalyn!"

"Sounds good to me," Hobbes said.

"That settles it, then," Calvin said with a snicker. Tonight, when Rosalyn's asleep, we'll set everything up, just the way Susie planned it out! Rosalyn will be at our mercy!"

Saying this, Calvin let out an evil laugh, looking forward to tomorrow's antics. Tomorrow would be his final opportunity to ruin Rosalyn once and for all. It _had_ to work. The entire thing would rest solely on whether or not Susie planned it well.


	5. Calvin's Last Stance

Calvin awoke, knowing that this was going to be the day where he got back at Rosalyn for all of the crummy things she had done to him, as well as recover from his humiliating attempts to make her miserable two days before.

"This is it, Hobbes," Calvin said. "Today, Rosalyn will taste our wrath!"

Hobbes smiled at the thought. "I know. You got everything set up last night, I hope?"

"Yup!" Calvin said confidently. "Everything is in place. All Rosalyn has to do now is fall into our traps, and we'll have the time of our lives!"

The day slowly passed by, with Calvin and Hobbes waiting for Rosalyn to fall for their first trap. It was almost noon, and Rosalyn hadn't had anything happen to her. That's what the two were hoping for.

When it was lunch time, Rosalyn made herself a small bowl of soup, along with a sandwich. She went into the refrigerator to get some water, but there was none in there. She just shrugged and went to the table. As she sat down, Calvin peeked from behind the corner of a wall and started watching her.

As Rosalyn took a bite of her sandwich, she grabbed at her throat and she started sweating rapidly. She screamed, but only some croaking noises had come out. Calvin knew Rosalyn would be making herself a chicken sandwich for lunch, so Calvin had taken the liberty the night before of grabbing his mom's liquid injector and injected a total of two cups of hot sauce into the chicken Rosalyn would use for her sandwich. Phase one was a success.

Frantic, Rosalyn opened the refrigerator, looking for water, only to remember that there was no water in there. She ran over to the sink, trying to get tap water, but as soon as she turned the faucet on, the cold water launched from the spray nozzle right into her face. Calvin knew that when she ate the hot sauce-injected chicken, she would go to the sink for water and not look for the tape Calvin wrapped around the spray nozzle. Now, not only was Rosalyn's mouth burning, but now she was soaked. Phase two was a success.

Screaming, Rosalyn grabbed some paper towels to dry her face off with. As soon as she started drying her face off, the paper towels stuck to her hand. She struggled to tear them apart, but they wouldn't budge. Right before Rosalyn sat down to lunch, Calvin put Fast-Drying Super Glue and put it on the paper towels. He knew Rosalyn would dry herself off with them when she got sprayed, and therefore, have the paper towels stick to her hands. Phase three was a success.

Laughing his head off, Calvin ran upstairs and into a room directly across the hall from his bedroom and closed the door.

When Rosalyn ran upstairs to confront Calvin in his bedroom, she still had the paper towels stuck to her hands.

"CALVIN!" raged Rosalyn. "I KNOW YOU DID THIS! GET OUT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

Calvin started talking from inside the closed room, as if he was throwing his voice. He made it sound like he was behind his bedroom door, when in reality, he was behind another door.

"Hey Roz, are you blind? The door's partway open. Why don't you just bust in on me?" Calvin sneered from behind the closed door.

Rosalyn growled, then kicked Calvin's door all the way opened. As soon as she did that, she was in shock. Not because she saw Calvin wasn't in there, but because a bucket full of red paint had totally collapsed on her. Drenched with the red paint Calvin's dad was going to use to paint the treehouse in the backyard, Rosalyn screamed even louder than she was before and demanded Calvin come out. Of course, he didn't dare walk out of the room he was in until Rosalyn was out of sight. Phase four was a success.

In a fit of rage, Rosalyn ripped the paper towel from her hand, along with a few clumps of skin. She wanted to do who-knows-what to Calvin for putting her through all that, but she decided to go against it. She needed to stay calm, or else she wouldn't get paid. She wanted to go take a nice, hot shower to relax her and get her out of an angry mood. (as well as to wash the paint off of her)

When Rosalyn walked into the bathroom, she closed and locked the door. As soon as she did this, Calvin ran up to the door and put his ear to it.

"Five…four…three…two…one," Calvin said, listening in, trying not to start laughing.

He heard Rosalyn start screaming. He began laughing, but immediately got out of the house. The night before, Calvin collected a lot of bugs outside, and that morning, he put all the bugs in the shower, waiting for Rosalyn when she walked in to clean herself off. Phase five was a success.

Rosalyn ran out of the bathroom (after getting dressed again) and screamed for Calvin to go to her at that very moment. By now, Calvin had run off, now hiding outside. Calvin thought Rosalyn wouldn't dare to walk outside after being covered in paint, but just in case she did…

Rosalyn saw Calvin waiting in the backyard, with a large stream separating Calvin from Rosalyn. Calvin was only standing a few feet in front of his treehouse.

"Calvin!" Rosalyn yelled. "Get over here! Now!"

"You see me, don't ya, Roz?" Calvin asked in a smart-alecky tone. "I got an idea! Instead of _me_ going to _you_, why don't _you_ come to _me_!"

"When your parents hear about this, they'll…" Rosalyn started. But, she cut herself off. She ran outside and started running towards Calvin.

Calvin, realizing how determined Rosalyn was to get a hold of him, ran up into his treehouse, and reached the top safely only moments after Rosalyn crossed a bridge of parted stones in the stream separating the treehouse from the backyard.

Calvin managed to pull the rope up from the bottom of the treehouse just before Rosalyn got to the tree, closing off the only route she had to get up there.

"Calvin!" Rosalyn yelled. "Let that rope back down! I'm warning you, if you don't…"

Calvin simply walked away and started ignoring her, making Rosalyn even more furious.

"Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!" Rosalyn yelled.

Unfortunately for Rosalyn, Calvin wasn't walking away. He was simply walking to the back of the treehouse to pick up a water balloon. The night before, he and Hobbes made a decent amount of water balloons to launch at Rosalyn, just in case she decided to come out after Calvin.

Calvin began chucking water balloon after water balloon down at Rosalyn. Calvin had thrown over fifteen at her before she eventually gave in and started running back into the house to avoid being hit by any more.

"That is _it!_" yelled Rosalyn as she walked away. "Your parents are going to hear about this, Calvin! I'm going inside to call them about this now!"

Calvin managed to lure Rosalyn outside so he could throw the water balloons at her. So far, Susie's plan was working out perfect, just as Calvin hoped it would. Phase six was a success.

As Calvin saw Rosalyn running into the house, he pulled out a walkie-talkie he stuffed in his pocket. Hobbes currently had the other one.

"Hobbes!" yelled Calvin into the walkie-talkie. "Release it!"

"_Roger_," Hobbes said into his walkie-talkie. He was sitting on the roof with a large container of honey. As soon as Rosalyn started to open the door, Hobbes dumped the vat of honey over onto Rosalyn. The yellow goop fell on top of Rosalyn and stuck to her as if it were glue. She started shrieking, but was also confused.

"How could Calvin have dumped the honey on me…if he's still in the treehouse?" Rosalyn asked. She looked up and saw Hobbes. She stared, gaping at the doll in disbelief, but then shook her head and said, "No, of course not. The tiger couldn't have dumped it…"

Phase Seven was a success.

Rosalyn ran inside and turned on the tap water. She knew it would spray her in the face, but she didn't care too much. She just wanted the honey off of her. Phase seven was a success.

Calvin wasn't expecting Rosalyn to turn the water back on and let herself get sprayed, but what he did plan on happening came shortly after that.

As Rosalyn was still getting the honey off of her, she heard the doorbell ring.

"Great!" Rosalyn yelled when she heard the doorbell ring. She ran over to answer the door, and it was Charlie. Rosalyn was as shocked to see Charlie as he was to see her. (he wasn't expecting to see her drenched in red paint and honey, along with being soaking wet. "Charlie!" Rosalyn yelped.

"Rosalyn?" Charlie asked in disbelief? "What happened? Is your leg okay?"

Rosalyn stared at Charlie. "What are you doing here?"

"Calvin called me and told me to come over. He said he thought you broke your leg and that you needed me to come over as quickly as I could to make sure you were okay. I tried calling you back, but there was no answer. I think the operator said the number was disconnected or out of service to here."

Rosalyn checked all of the phones in the house quickly, and indeed, they were all unplugged, just as Calvin had done it two days ago in an attempt to make Rosalyn's job a living nightmare.

"How'd the little twerp even get your number?" Rosalyn yelled. "I never told him!"

"Well, maybe he looked at my number on your cell phone quick dial list," Charlie suggested.

Rosalyn gasped, then started feeling all of her pockets. "My cell phone!" she gasped. "It's gone!"

The two ran outside and saw Calvin holding the cell phone in his hand. He was standing on a rock sticking out of the stream. He held Rosalyn's cell phone out as far as he could, showing Rosalyn that he wasn't afraid to drop it in the water.

"Don't…you…dare!" Rosalyn hissed as she saw Calvin ready to drop the cell phone into the water.

Calvin gave an evil smile back at her. "You've been a _great_ babysitter, Roz," Calvin said in an evil tone. "Don't try running after me, or we'll find out if your phone can swim!"

"Give me back my cell phone!" raged Rosalyn.

"Get on your knees!" Calvin ordered.

"What? I'm not getting on my…"

"Get on your knees!"

"Okay, okay," Rosalyn sighed. She knelt down on the ground.

"Repeat after me!" Calvin commanded. "I, the inferior Rosalyn…"

"This is ridiculous!" yelled Rosalyn. "I'm not going to give into a little runt like you!"

Calvin made it clearly visible he was weakening his grip on the cell phone. If he loosened it anymore, the cell phone would surely fall into the stream.

"Okay, okay, don't drop my cell phone in the water!" Rosalyn yelled. "_I, the inferior Rosalyn…"_

"…admit defeat to Calvin the Great…" Calvin continued.

"…_admit defeat to Calvin the Great"_

"…in this war where he proved he was much smarter, more patient, and all around better than me!"

"…_in this war where he proved he was much smarter, more patient, and all around better than me,"_ Rosalyn scowled.

"Say it through now!" Calvin yelled.

Rosalyn was clearly losing patience. _"I, the inferior Rosalyn, admit defeat to Calvin the Great in this war, where he proved he was much smarter, more patient, and all around better than me."_ Rosalyn said with a sour look on her face. "There! I said it! Now give me back my cell phone!"

Calvin put the pointer finger of his free hand on his chin and said "Hmmmmmmmm…", making Rosalyn extremely nervous. "Those were some very nice things you said to me, Roz. All right, you can have your phone back."

Rosalyn breathed a sigh of relief as soon as Calvin started walking towards her with it. As soon as he was one stone away from being out of the stream, Calvin intentionally dropped the cell phone into the running water. "Butterfingers," he replied, promptly.

Rosalyn let out a bloodcurdling scream as she saw her cell phone get carried off into the stream, out of sight.

Somehow, it all worked. The plan Susie concocted worked perfectly. Nothing went wrong, and Calvin gave Rosalyn a babysitting experience that she would not soon forget. OPERATION: G.R.O.S.S.E.R. was a success.

"Gee, Calvin, you're taking this very well," Hobbes said when he and Calvin were in bed later that night. "Usually, when you get grounded, you're sulking about it and you won't stop complaining,"

"It's fine, really," Calvin said. "I did what I wanted. I made Rosalyn completely miserable, which is what counts. I just don't see why mom and dad refused to pay her extra for putting up with me."

"Well, Calvin, fifty dollars is a lot of extra money to have to pay for babysitting. At most, it's only eight extra dollars. You made your parents pay more than six times extra what they normally have to pay," Hobbes said.

"Yeah, but look on the bright side," Calvin said. "I got revenge on Rosalyn, plus it was funny seeing some of the blood vessels in mom and dad's necks looked ready to explode. And, two months of being grounded will go by like that," Calvin said, snapping his fingers.

He continued to stare off happily, until his face turned to an angry grimace again. "Oh, who am I kidding?" Calvin said. "This stinks! It _was_ only fifty more dollars! And for being grounded for two months, I should have done _twenty_ things to Rosalyn, not seven or eight! And the worst part is, I'll forget everything I did to her when these two months are up."

"Not to worry," Hobbes said. "Look what I have."

Hobbes held up a video cassette.

"What's that?" Calvin asked.

"When you were torturing Rosalyn all of today, I was secretly recording it so we can look back and laugh at it. When I was dumping the honey on her, I was hiding the camera in a gutter."

Calvin smiled. "That'll be great to watch again, Hobbes," he said. "…as soon as I have my TV privileges back!"

**END**


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